My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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