True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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