The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
