ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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