So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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