Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
