Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
