I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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