You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
