she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can I color on your dick again?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
