We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
