fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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