so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
