That's when you crack a 10am beer
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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