I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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