You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
