Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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