i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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