we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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