I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
