i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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