no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
