As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
