I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
