y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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