I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
