k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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