Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
