you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
