I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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