My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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