This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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