If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
