HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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