omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The Olympian is in my bed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
