we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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