Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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