watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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