I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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