Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
