the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Congratulations! We have a period
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