I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
