i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
