also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
