I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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