hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude i'm inner monologue high
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
