He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
