Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
