in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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