I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
