Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
