She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
