She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
