I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
