and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
